Dan You Have Cancer - EVERY DAY I FIGHT!

[Picking up where I left off on June 10^th with the “Dan, you have cancer: The Beginning” blog.]

To continue with my story:

It felt great to be home from the hospital. Food was better, sleep did not improve. I was still spending nights either in a recliner or my TV room chair with the heating pad. I felt better mentally because Ann no longer had to run back and forth to the hospital. I came home Friday January 11 knowing that Tuesday January 15^th would be my first day of chemo.

I was looking forward to chemotherapy. “Hello Dan? This is your common sense calling. Are you there? Have you lost your mind? No one looks forward to chemo! Do not tell others or share this information as it could be used as grounds to have you committed. Dan? Are you there?” This was the battle raging inside me at that time. I had been told by people in the medical profession, in fact people in the cancer medical profession, in fact very smart doctors in the cancer medical profession that my life expectancy could be measured in weeks or months. The way I weighed this news was that for each day nothing was done to abate or cure the monster inside of me, was a day that the monster was winning with no kickback from me. I wanted to, I needed to, get into the fight. I was looking forward to chemotherapy.

Through my years on planet Earth I often wondered just who I was. How tough was I. I never served in the military, so I did not have that measuring stick. I was never in immediate life threatening situations, so I did not have that measuring stick either. I was hit virtually head on in my truck and was told by many that my actions that day probably saved three lives. That accident happened so fast I’m not sure it is a measuring stick either. The outcome that I controlled was more reflex reaction than gut wrenching resolve. I did raise seven children and was the provider for my family for forty plus years but I’m not sure that qualifies as a true test as those challenges were spread out over those forty plus years. Maybe now I’ll have a true measuring stick to figure out just who I am. What I am capable of. I am about to find out.

Everyone I ever knew who had chemotherapy hated it. It made them nauseous. Tales of repetitive throwing-up were freely shared over and over. I was facing that with tremendous trepidation because of my broken ribs and fractured sternum. How was I going to handle barfing for long periods of time when I already couldn’t stand to cough or sneeze? I needed to do something no matter how painful, gut-wrenching or futile it may be. I had to start fighting. I was already fully engaged on the prayer front. It was my physical being that needed to join the fray. Remember, it’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters; it’s the size of the fight in the dog! This dog was ready to tangle.

On Tuesday January 15^th I reported for Round One, Day One. My chemo sessions were to be scheduled every three weeks for three consecutive days, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Tuesday consisted of a bag of saline, a bag of anti-nausea medicine, a bag of steroids and two bags of my very own special “cocktail” mix.  Sort of like McDonald’s special sauce and just as lethal. Wednesday’s menu was the same only one bag of chemo, easy on the sauce please. Thursday was a repeat of Wednesday’s fare. Monday’s time expenditure for me was eight plus hours. Wednesday and Thursdays I was only there for about three and a half hours.

Even something as simple of pumping your body full of deadly chemicals, so deadly that the nurse giving them to me had to wear gloves, a mask and a protective robe when handling them, could not transpire without unforeseen events. Starting an I.V. on me has always been a challenge. That is not a good thing for someone entering the chemotherapy protocol. When you have cancer it means that you will be stuck with needles in more places more often than ever thought imaginable. So Day One of chemo or day one of chemo, depending on your outlook, is going great guns until my nurse has to start an IV for me. I explained all the past difficulties I have had with the process. I think I spooked her because after two tries she sent for help. The IV nurse came and had the exact same problems as everyone else. Could not get anything started. She couldn’t even find a viable vein. “Take that Dan!” cancer screamed at me. Wait a second I need this all to work. Hand slaps, dangling arms, tourniquets, hot compresses you name it the IV nurse tried it. Nothing worked. I could feel her tension and frustration with the situation mount as failure built upon failure. My dooms day clock kept ticking. My IV nurse got up and took a walk.

Upon her return she sat down in front of me and taking my left arm gently into her hands, she breathed a deep sigh of not resignation nor determination but of... I cannot exactly say what it was. As I now look back and having gotten to know more about Nancy it wasn't a sigh but a prayer. It was her relinquishing control of the situation over to God. I said, “Stop. Nancy, take my hands.” Looking at her I told her she was not to worry, she was not hurting me. I was not angry at her. I knew she was doing her best. I let her know that we were in this together. Now looking like the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders, she again took my arm and almost immediately without further drama she found a vein, inserted an IV and had blood, my blood flowing without further incident.

Once the IV was established and the drip, drip, drip of the poison that was to stem the tide began its journey to the places it needed to be inside of me. My nurse returned to discuss the immediate future of IVs in my life. She suggested that I consider having a port. I have had port wine, sailed from a port, know of several ports on my computer and loved the Peaches ‘n Port at Momma Leone’s in Manhattan. But my own personal port? Explain on. My nurse Jamie explained how it is a device that is implanted under the skin of my chest and allows a quick access to my circulatory system without the need for constant IV sticks for blood draws, chemicals or even some medicines. My first reaction was to say no, I’m not having any unnecessary surgery’s. I told her I’d think about. For the short term they decided to leave my IV in for the rest of the week. That worked but was not a solution. After sleeping on it and praying about it I agreed to have the surgery before my second round of chemo.

Praise the Lord the chemo did not make me nauseous. It didn’t make me feel like singing or going dancing either. The best way to describe it to someone who has never gone through it is to imagine how you felt when you had the flu really bad. No not like that, I mean really, really bad. The ‘I can’t lift my head off the pillow, every joint and bone in my body hurts, leave me alone to die’ feeling. Now double, no triple the depth and anguish of that feeling. That’s how chemo felt. I will tell you though my mental approach to it made it infinitely better. I decided it was not going to rule me. It was there to help me. If this is what it takes to get better and beat cancer then let me have it. It was during these days that my prayer warriors took on the battle for me. I felt the effects of their payers every day.  I did not choose to have cancer but I could choose how I reacted to it. I decided to fight. EVERY DAY I FIGHT!

Dan You Have Cancer - Prayer Part 4

Previously I wrote about one-on-one prayer between the Holy Trinity and me and what it means to be the one for whom prayers are being offered. I now would like to offer what I have learned about the people who pray for others. I stated that I believe there to be a three way prayer circle also. This circle contains God, the person offering the prayer and the person who is to be the recipient of the blessings achieved by the prayer. I hesitantly say that part about the one receiving the blessings because I have come to the realization that the person praying for another can be blessed as much as the person for whom they are praying.

When you or I tell someone we are praying for them, say it with boldness, mean it with all sincerity. I realize more than ever that I am entering into a ‘Holy Contract’ with that person when I tell them I am “praying for you”. What? I am supposed to mean it and actually do it when I tell someone that I am praying for them. Yes! I now see it as a binding contract between me, that person and God. I am taking a public vow, a public promise to help carry that person’s burden. I am joining with them, standing at their side, watching their back, and in many case carrying them towards tomorrow when they cannot get there on their own. I know as I have now been on both sides of this equation. When I woke up in the mornings of my darkest days and did not see myself making it to evenings tide, it was those prayers, those sacrificial prayers and those prayer warriors that lifted me, carried me and lowered me to the feet of Jesus. I thank God and praise Him for your sacrifice.

When I went to bed at night I’d toss and turn. When I’d give in and set awake in the dark for hours at a time because rest and sleep were nowhere to be found, it was the Simon’s in my life that unselfishly carried my cross for me. My Simon’s unselfishly lifted my beam upon their shoulders so I could find rest. I thank God and praise Him for your sacrifice.

I thank God and praise Him for the sacrificial prayer offered by those whose overflowing prayer list had room for just one more name, Daniel Delp. I thank God and praise Him for your answering of the call to place others before yourself. I thank God and praise Him for your obedience, for doing the very thing for which God created you (Esther 4:14).

Praying for someone is the number one thing you can do for a person. Nothing else even comes close. When you or I pray for someone, something always happens. What I usually see happening is that the answer to our prayer is granted or the grace needed to accept the answer is provided. Not always an explanation or a why but a knowing grace that reaffirms who is really in control in the situation. I understand now more than ever that when I pray for another, I am acknowledging that God is responsible for that person and that He is allowing me to contribute through my prayer.

We are priestly people (1 Peter 2:9). Our priesthood is about offering sacrifices to God. We offer our time. We offer our mental and emotional investments in someone else’s life to God through prayer so that He can do as He pleases.

Dan You Have Cancer - Prayer Part 2

I previously wrote about one-on-one prayer between the Holy Trinity and me. I stated that I believe there to be a three way prayer circle also. This circle contains God, there person offering the prayer and the person who is to be the recipient of the blessings achieved by the prayer. I hesitantly say that part about the one receiving the blessings because I have come to the realization that the person praying for another can be blessed as much as the person for whom they are praying.

Many times throughout my life I had prayed for others. I have prayed for family, friends, strangers, institutions, weather, name almost any subject and chances are that you will hit upon something for which I have prayed.  That does not make me special or a saint, just someone that realizes that there is a higher power in the universe that knows me, cares for me and is willing to listen to me. Having cancer and being forced to spend long hours and days just existing caused me to think, to contemplate many different things. One of those things was, just what it means when someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” “You are in our prayers.” “We are praying a novena for you”?

The first thing I realized that the prayers of others said for me were in fact sacrifices made, by those friends and acquaintances, for me. These prayers are sacrifices because there are so many other things to occupy our waking moments. To take time before God to lift me and my malady up before Him is a sacrifice. One friend of mine, when I first saw her after my diagnosis, said that I was at the top of her already over flowing prayer list. She said that her list kept growing and growing and she didn’t know where the time was coming from to fit it all in. I encouraged her in that I was keenly aware of the prayers being offered for me. I felt their effects every day. I also got her attention and told her that maybe this, this prayer life of sacrifice for others, was exactly what God had in mind for her the day she was created (Esther 4:14). She said she was encouraged by that very thought.

Simon of Cyrene helped carry the Cross of Jesus on the way to Calvary. As Jesus grew weaker and weaker on the Way of the Cross, help was needed. A bystander suddenly became an integral part of the process. Simon’s work, Simon’s sacrifice helped lighten the weight upon the Savior. When others said they were praying for me they were partnering with Simon of Cyrene. They were lightening my burden. They are helping me carry my cross. They were easing the weight pressing down on me.

Some friends took one of their own to see Jesus. He was lame and trapped in a body that no longer functioned as it should. The friends were seeking healing for one of their own. The crowd that surrounded Jesus that day was pressing and impenetrable. There was no way the friends could have gotten to Jesus through the crowd. Instead of being defeated against such long odds they did the next best thing. They lifted their friend to the roof of the structure where Jesus sat. They cut a hole in the roof and lowered the crippled friend to the very feet of Jesus. Jesus told the man his sins were forgiven. When questioned about His right to forgive sins Jesus went a step farther and told the man to stand up, take your mat and go home. So the lame friend did just that. He stood up, rolled up his mat and went home (Luke 5:17-39). I wasn’t there and scripture doesn’t tell us but I sort of think that as he left that house that day there were some singing, shouting and high-fives all around. This was accomplished through the faith of a few close friends that knew of the healing power of Jesus and brought their friend to that power. This is the same action we take and that was taken on my behalf when I was told I was being prayed for. My friends were not stifled by the power of cancer and its ability to kill. They and their belief in the healing power of Jesus took me and my cancer to the roof and lowered me to the very feet of Jesus, depositing me there to receive His healing.

I felt the mental and physical power of pray as the pain of cancer was taken from my body and the anguish of my spirit was released, replace by a peace that passes all understanding. I felt the weight being lifted from my life as I knew that I was not in this battle alone. Others were unselfishly helping me carry the burden. I felt it. It is real. Prayer works. Keep praying for others. For me.

Dan You Have Cancer – God’s Voice through Contemporary Christian Music – Part 1

In my last blog I mentioned how God uses songs and music to reach us. I said, “He spoke to me time and time again through the lyrics penned years before by men and women being obedient to His call”. One such instance is Rich Mullin’s song “Where You Are”. In this song Rich Mullins and Dave Strasser talk about Daniel (Belteshazzar), Hananiah (Shadrach), Meshael (Meshach), Azariah (Abed-Nego), and Jonah.

Mullins reminds us that when Daniel was put into the lions dens to serve as their next meal, they did not eat him, they didn’t even bite him. “…So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no injury whatever was found on him, because he believed his God” (Daniel 6:23).

Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego were placed into a fiery furnace as punishment for not worshipping Nebuchadnezzar’s god or golden images he set up. Nebuchadnezzar had the furnace heated to seven times hotter than normal. It was so hot that the men who were instructed to put the three Hebrews into it were themselves consumed by the fire and died. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego fell to their knees in the furnace and were saved. When Nebuchadnezzar looked into the furnace he said, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God” (Daniel 3:25). This amazing story goes even further. If you have ever sat next to a campfire it is impossible to go home without taking the smell of the fire with you. It’s in your hair, in your clothes, it’s everywhere. In the case of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego “the hair of their head was not singed nor were their garments affected, and the smell of fire was not on them” (Daniel 3:27).

The story of Jonah is just as amazing. Because of his disobedience Jonah found himself in the belly of a fish. Not a place where one usually finds oneself but there he was regardless. Jonah Chapter 2 captures Jonah’s prayer to God. God heard Jonah’s prayer from the belly of a fish beneath the surface of the sea. Jonah was saved and so was Nineveh.

In a lion’s den, in a fiery furnace, in the belly of a fish, is there no place we can go that God isn’t? Is there anywhere we can be that is out of God’s sight? Can cancer hide me from God’s sight? Can cancer shield my prayer from God’s ears? Is there any depth to the cancer abyss that I can sink to where God cannot see, hear or touch me? No, no, no, no and most assuredly NO!

Psalms 139 answers these questions for me. Psalms 50:15 implores me to “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” Jeremiah 29:11-12 states, “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you.”

The apostle Paul assures me, as he did the Romans, when he wrote, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). I’d like to add cancer to this list. He is so much greater than cancer and is there to guide me through all the time.

Dan You Have Cancer - Prayer Part 1

Before I continue with the day-to-day story of my dance with cancer, I am going to take several  blogs to speak about something that I always knew was important in life but have been reintroduced to the importance of it by the curse of cancer.

PRAYER.

Prayer is at a minimum two party endeavor, just me and the Holy Trinity. It can also be intimate with three. There is the person praying. There is the person for which the prayer is being offered. Then there is God to whom the prayer is directed. I will look at the two party prayer connection first.

When first being told that you have cancer and your days may be numbered shorter than the current year’s calendar, it makes you think. As I stated before I was not fearful of dying. I did find myself in deep anguish over how to proceed as I knew how I lived the remaining days would affect the days of so many around me. I honestly did not know what to pray for when it came to my situation. Where do I start? I am not one to bargain with God. I cannot pull Him down to my level nor would I ever elevate myself to His level in a quid pro quo situation. I have read the end of the Bible and know what happens to ones who want to be God or be like God. I needed help. Help in what to do, help in assuaging friends and family of their fears. My prayer became very, very simple. Each night when I got in my recliner for the night, after the lights, were extinguished, after I was loving tucked in my blankets by Ann my prayer became, “Help me Jesus” over and over. This prayer was followed by “Jesus, help me” over and over. After that I began to pray the same prayer offered by the six-winged lion, ox, man and eagle that are covered with eyes that surround the throne of God in Heaven. These creatures as described by John in his writings from the Island of Patmos in the book of Revelations, pray constantly, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come.” (Isaiah 6:3, Revelations 4:8). I followed this with the prayer from Revelations 4:11, “You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.” So simple yet it was through these prayers that I found the peace of God. I made myself totally dependent upon Him, surrendering all to Him while at the same time declaring His kingship, His sovereignty, His power in all things. I unwittingly claimed Psalms 46:10 as my own. “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

These nighttime prayers led me to the quiet times I found myself in each workday morning from January to June. After Ann and Seth departed for work I was left in our house by myself. I would start my morning off by listening to music perform by Christian artists. I know the Bible is God’s holy Word but he is using the Christian song writer to reach people where the Bible isn’t. He spoke to me time and time again through the lyrics penned years before by men and women being obedient to His call. They were planting seeds that were to be harvested years later by someone, in this case me, who needed to hear them for whatever their circumstance. Isaiah states in Chapter 55 verse 11 that: “my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” This is so true, I can attest to that.

Be still and know He is God.  It was through this stillness, this waiting that God drew me closer to Him than I ever thought possible. I found comfort in the lap of Jesus. I felt His presence. I smelled the scent of oils used to anoint kings. I knew I had nothing to fear. The world told me to walk away, to put my faith in doctors and medicine. Even though they are part of it, Jehova-Rapha is “the One who heals”. For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds (Jeremiah 30:17); God will be gracious, the Lord binds up the bruises of His people and heals the stroke of their wound (Isaiah 30:26); the Spirit of the Lord God is upon Jesus, because the Lord has anointed Him to preach good tidings to the poor; sent Him to heal the broken hearted; to proclaim liberty to the captives; and open the prisons to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1); and  God is the One who forgives all your iniquities and heals all your diseases (Psalms 103:3).

It was through my simple prayer, through my surrendering of myself that God honored His promises and began the healing process in me. It was through my relinquishing of will and my acceptance of total dependency upon the Creator of the universe that healing, physical and mental, began and flourished in my life. This all transpired because of one-on-one prayer.