February 26th was the halfway point for
my chemo treatments, number three of six. Treatment seems like such a misplaced
word. I normally equate treats with good things, like donuts on Sunday morning,
an ice pop when I finish mowing the lawn, a tall, cold, glass of iced-tea on a
hot summers afternoon or Ann greeting me with a smile and a “Here I am”
whenever she comes home. Pushing poison into my veins does not equal a treat. But
wait a minute. I said it before and I’m going to repeat it, if it takes
multiple chemo treatments to make me
better and add days to my life then ding-dong, trick-or-treat.
The difference in this particular go round of
treatments is that I will receive my first dose of Teqcentric the immunotherapy
drug. My doctor explained and then my nurses read me a list of possible
reactions to Teqcentric. Pretty scary stuff. The last thing on every one of
these lists is “..and death”. The irony I find here is that the very thing I am
counting on to fight my cancer, which will kill me if it goes unchecked, may
also kill me. I think I’ll stick to the Rocky Balboa stuff and keep punching no
matter how bruised and swollen I become. Splash me with water, run a styptic
pencil across my cuts, spin me around and push me back into the fray.
Twelve hours after first receiving Teqcentric, I
awoke in my bed wishing that I was dead or soon would be. As previously
document in this blog I could never say what my pain level was because I had
never experienced a pain I couldn’t control or work my way through. This night,
February 27th 2019, the raging battle between good and evil; the
warfare between dug and cancer; the refining fire needed for deeper healing was
unleashed in full force within my body. I felt as if I was on fire. All my
bones hurt! All my joints were a flame! I could not lay I could not sit. I
could not stand. If I would have died in that moment I would have been grateful
for the relief. How I got through it I cannot remember. I do remember calling
out to Jesus to save me, to take the pain away. When I woke to a new day I felt
much better but still ached all over. The aches would last for days. I read
over the list of what Teqcentric could do to you. This wasn’t on the list. When
I told my doctor and nurses the next day they were amazed. They had only ever
heard of one other cancer patient that experienced the same reaction. I said congratulations,
now you know of two.
Some positives did come from this reaction. I know
what a pain level of 10 is. It’s the pain level that precedes passing out or in
extreme cases dying. I had a new found appreciation for the vast amount of
cancer within me. I hurt, I burnt all over. Not just in one or two places but
from head to toe from hip to hip and down both arms. My doctor was correct when
he said this was serious. I also looked at Teqcentric differently. The pain and
the burning came from the drug attacking my cancer on all fronts at the same
time. There was a war raging inside of me. I quickly developed a greater
appreciation for those who are at the tip of the spear developing new treatment
and cures for cancer. They are making a difference.
On the weeks that I had chemo and immune I spent
about sixteen hours at the infusion center. Some call this ‘down time’ in that
those hours are dedicated to being there for that purpose. I could do nothing
else. I did read books and tried to do Ken-Ken, Sudoku and crosswords but these
activities were always at odds with ‘chemobrain’, a condition where I would
find it very difficult to stay focused for more than a minute or two. Music and
podcasts were another activity that I tried but they were often interrupted by
sleep. Ann spent many hours sitting with me, taking care of me and just loving
me with all she had. I truly appreciated those who would come to pick me up on
Wednesdays and Thursdays when Ann worked. They would arrive early, sitting with
me for an hour or so before the last drip dropped prior to the final flush
administered by the nurses. A quick ride home was provided, followed by
assistance from the car to my chair. There were even times when friends would
stop in during my downtime just to sit and talk. These moments, these sacrifices
of time were greatly appreciated. I know that when I get a chance I want to
return these same favors to others. Think about doing the same to someone you
know. Don’t send flowers, stop in to say hello. Sending a card? Why not deliver
the same message by lips. You need not stay long. Just your personal touch will
mean so much. Ann and I have implemented this in our lives and the rewards of
doing so are tremendous.
The routine of going every three weeks for chemo and
immuno became another new normal for us. The end of chemo also brought several
things with it that we did not anticipate. My oncologist had a face-to-face
heart-to-heart with us prior to my last chemo session and scan. He explained
that I, that we, could decide to continue with immunotherapy after our last
chemo session or say enough is enough. We even had the right to stop the pending
chemo session if we wanted. I took his words as words of caution but not quite
surrender. It also was his way of letting us know that we were in control. We
were the ones in the fight so we were in control. I chose, we chose, the fight!
The end of chemo also brought another scan. This
would be the first scan since the initial one. We knew that good was happening
because the tumor on my jaw was all but gone. Definitive results were yet to be
measured. The second scan was a mixed bag, some good some not so good. Bone
tumors were present and still active. Liver tumors had shrunk from 9 cm to 6
cm. Addition ribs reported in as ‘broken’. Multiple vertebra were now showing
up on the scan as being fractured. Dr.
Surapaneni asked me if I had fallen as my left clavicle was broken. I
probably did this rolling over in bed which was no longer simple or pain free.
In any event I believed more than ever I was in God’s hands. There will be more
on that subject in my next blog. Right now we stayed the course.
The first time I had Teqcentric without the chemo
drugs administered at the same time I had another unexpected reaction. As they
were finishing up with my infusion I became really unsettled. I wanted to
stand, I wanted sit. I needed to walk I needed to sit. I was going nuts. Then
all of a sudden without warning I began to shake. I shook uncontrollably for
over an hour. After taking Benadryl and several ‘anti’ this and ‘’anti’ that
pills the shaking ceased and I went home. Not only was I shaken by the events
of that day, Ann and my medical team were also shaken and “shakin”. As we
reflect back on that day and the preceding four months we realized more than
ever how much God was watching over us. The prayers of the faithful were
working. The sacrifices of so many were felt and appreciated. Thanks be to God!
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